We’ve all heard from our parents and older, wiser individuals that the true pursuit of any career is to find something you love to do. It is only then that it stops being work and becomes a journey of passion.

Therefore, the true objective of any career is to merge both love and work so that they become one. You then find your potential and experience fulfillment, which feeds happiness...albeit fleeting when mixed with the daily storms and dysfunctions of life.

The Dichotomy of Leadership

But herein lies the dichotomy of leadership. With the human tendency to merge the two, we form relationships with those closest to us that become friendships that in some cases last a lifetime and have an unbelievable impact on us as humans and as executives, both in positive and negative ways. But this desire inside us all is so strong that we all fall victim to it. We ultimately pay a price that at times can lead to our failure of not reaching our own potential, or simply blind us to the realities of human imperfections and substandard performance.

Years ago in a conversation with the CEO of a failing retailer...a company who will remain nameless and no longer exists...I was told that it was the acceptance of substandard behavior that ultimately lead to the company’s demise and that he was too late in trying to change this culture where everyone wanted to be best friends and no one had the courage to separate the two.

Additionally, in a more recent conversation with a CEO at a very successful retailer, who will also remain nameless, I was told rather abruptly, “I don’t have any friends in retail.” He said it as if he intentionally avoided the pitfalls that comes with those relationships.

And just last week in a conversation with a director of loss prevention, we agreed that the reason a certain company’s COO had failed, one whom we both knew well, was that he was too much of a nice guy.

Separating Friendship and Work

We all have our own stories and experiences with the executives of retail America and could write countless volumes on what makes some of them very successful. But at the end of the day a few traits always exist in those that succeed—passion, strength, intelligence, drive, and the courage to separate friendship and business. Because friendship is grounded in caring and has an emotional component at its very core, it is certainly easier to be a leader and make sound business decisions when friendship doesn’t enter in.

I myself find it easier to make the decisions that need to be made when I’m separated from the individual and have no relationship with them. And where it does exist, I struggle to rely on an academic process that eliminates my personal feelings and my inner desire to be loved and to help a fellow human being who I happen to be friends with.

Interestingly and regretfully, I can point to the majority of mistakes I’ve made in my career and say that my decision was driven by my friendship or loyalty to that individual. A thought, I might add, that haunts me to this day and conversely has fed my critics that I didn’t readily jump to someone’s aid in their time of need or unemployment.

A Double-Edged Sword

Yes, leadership is a double-edged sword. For all of us, it is a never-ending pursuit filled with the contradictions of our existence and the aloneness of our decisions. To be a good leader, one must at times separate our love from our work, deal with the imperfections and substandard performance of our friends, and withstand the opinions of those blinded by their own friendships. At the end of the day, doing what’s right for everyone concerned will inevitability lead to the truth of each individuals own existence and their respective place in society. And only when an individual finds their true place will they find true happiness.

So, in actuality, by doing what’s right and true you help your friend find their long-term happiness as opposed to delaying the inevitable. Therefore, the cutting of the doubleedged sword, as hard as it may be, is the responsibility of all good leaders and good friends.